I'm on a boat, bitch.

Today I went on a boat with some old white people. Needless to say, I was ready to be offended.

I did not break out into either of the above songs, BTdubs. Everyone should be proud. I didn't even tell anyone to purify themselves in the Waters of Lake Minnetonka. No one would have gotten the joke anyway.

Old guy invited us to go lay out and tan on front of the boat. In case you forgot my aversion to dying, here is the reminder. So clearly I was hesitant to go the front of the boat where the only thing keeping me from the lake were a few metal bars. In this critical moment of decision making, the old guy says, "Well you don't need to tan."

 

I threw caution to the wind. No way I was gonna be the only young'n to sit back there with the old fogies after that. They might have started to reminisce about the good old days and then I would have thrown myself into the lake.

After boating around and looking at the ridiculously big houses, we went to some private area for super safe boaters. It has some super serious name that included the word SQUADRON which I guess is code for old.

The old guy was now preparing to cook and announced that he would make two burgers each for the guys and one for the girls. Luckily, I did not hear this. However, it was resolved that I was going to eat the most food since apparently it is unlady like. I probably would have done this anyway but at least now I had a reason and a point to prove.

When the burgers were almost ready, old guy comes over and says someone needs to cut the buns (who gets buns that aren't pre-sliced?). Before I could even go about being the nice person I am and help with the bun-cutting, he adds, "Think one of the girls can handle that."

Obvi I wasn't effin doing it after that. The only buns I would be touching were the ones sandwiching my TWO burgers. Okkkkkkaaaayyyy.

Then he served the ladies first. In solidarity, we refused to eat until the guys got their food.

Note: I don't wear finger nail polish.

Turns out, he gave the guys bigger burgers initially. The other young woman that was there was also offended. She only ate one burger. She said she couldn't handle all that meat at one time.

The end.