The Ten Commandments of Coming Out

I don't know if there are actually ten of them. I just know that some list of do's and dont's can't apply to everyone. I personally think having a big coming out party seems to fly in the face of the whole there's nothing different about/it shouldn't be a big deal mantra.

I'm also confused by the picture that accompanies the above post.

The title of said post is a little harsh. I don't think you get to tell people how to come out. Maybe some helpful suggestions from Queers of Christmas Past but that language was pretty strong.

It could be because I'm not really into the coming out the closet phenomenon. I'm more into the I'm gonna do what I want and you're gonna deal with it approach.

As a basic rule to life, I say don't tell your parents anything until you are no longer living at home for a majority of the year. Parents should always be on a need to know Bones.

I guess things might be different if
a.) only one of your parents worked (if you had two)
b.) your parents didn't have a bus load of kids and put all of their hopes and dreams on your tiny child back parts
c.) you are one of those weirdos who are super creepy close with your parents

I know all about making the personal political but there should be some sort of age limit on this advice. Talk about your sexuality? Teenagers are super fuckin angsty (like in The Kids Are All Right which everyone should go see) and probably lack the appropriate language to delve into some in-depth consciousness raising conversation about their sexuality when they're trying to figure it out themselves.
That's the UHH poster from the movie that you should go see.

Shit, you don't even have to be a teenager to be in that boat. You want to be helpful? Write a manual for parents on how to grow the fuck up and learn what unconditional love means.

Then there's the "don't tell them you have a girlfriend or boyfriend." Why not? So you want me to be gay AND undesirable. I'm gonna be discriminated against and judged for the rest of my life. At least take solace in the fact that I'm getting laid.

In some cases, the relationship card could be just what you need to dodge the bullet. They might be so surprised that anyone wants to be in a relationship with you, that they completely ignore the gender of the idiot who would do such a thing.

Thou shall not come out to a group. Instead, schedule one on one meetings in your super glitttery gay calendar book.

All this talk of telling people how to come out reminds me of how pissed I get when my favorite queer sites forget people of color exist. They're telling everyone to be super liberal and awesome like they are and they want there to be representation for queers of all colors and shapes and sizes and zodiacs and rainbow hugs for everyone!

Then I look at the little picture on the side of the page and...


None of them are black.

Unless you are giving black people representation, please do not try to comment on anyone's choice to stay in, under, or around the closet. It's a tad hypocritical for you to be all Queen Latifah come out come out wherever you are like it's a big gay game of hide and seek when I don't remember the last time I saw something written by a black person on your site and most of the black people you do cover are gay for pay. You can't yell at people for not coming out when you're perpetuating the system that led to the circumstances they're in today. My point is don't be all in our closet when you're still holding the noose.


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