The time I stayed up all night because my friend's roommate is a word slightly nicer than cunt

Hey remember a couple weeks ago when I was like I'm def. gonna update this more and then I did like two posts and that was the end of that. My bad. Not gonna promise any such thing this time. But I will say that trips to the East Coast do give me a little ammo. I got a fair amount of shit for not writing anything funny in a while. I assure you I am no less hilarious. It's kind of unfortunate. I blame it on my lack of anything resembling a life on the West Coast. I briefly considered changing the heading of the blog to "B is depressing" but I thought that might be a little much.

You know what wouldn't be a little much? Karate chopping my friend's roommate in the throat. At just around 3:30am Get Low started blasting from their room. Let me tell you. I was all kinds of confused because number 1, Get Low. Really? Initially I thought it to be a cell phone ringer. But the song just kept going and in my half awake state I was like damn this is a long fucking ringer. Then the song ended. And voices came on. And another song played. And I realized.

It was the fucking radio.

You guys. This girl has the radio come on at 3:30am and just lets it play. It's been almost an hour. I have not heard a shift in that room. Not only am I a heavy sleeper, I can go to sleep in about half of a second. How the fuck has no one reacted. How the hell has my friend, this girl's roommate, not gotten up and ripped the radio out the wall. I'm about two seconds from doing it myself except that I may want to crash here again at some point in the near future.

I've gotten into some situations - I've had some strange stuff happen to me. And somehow I've kept my black ass out of jail. If this girl were my roommate, there's no way. I would stuff that radio down her esophagus the first time she pulled that shit. I've been thinking about what I would say to this mystery girl if she popped into the common room to say something like, "the glow from your computer screen is distracting." Or "your typing is really keeping me up." Because I imagine that this girl has to be so out of touch with reality these are the kind of things she does. I haven't seen her yet but I imagine she looks something like this.

There was another girl in the suite who was pretty awesome. My friend made her read this post out loud. She forever has my respect. So that brings the total of people in this suite I like up to two. And NO ONE has said anything to her? No one has cursed her out? How about a passive aggressive note? I really can't believe this. Earlier today someone was saying how nice the group of Yalies they hang out with is. There are plenty of Yalies that do not fall in the nice category. I'm wondering how this terrible terrible sack of shit human being managed to live with three nice students who let this non-sense continue. They should slap her with a hipster.


I'm fairly surprised the music played at 4am is similar to what's played at any other time. I kinda hoped they would just play infomercials made just for the radio. Maybe have people using the Shake Weight and narrating the workout? Or they could just play porn and make people listening imagine what was happening. Just some ideas.

The music just came back on. Who is this devil. Who lets her breathe.