Parenting Privileged Kids 101

Why is everyone always so down when it turns out their kid is different? Why is everyone’s dream for their child to follow the path of least resistance? I think being different or discriminated against can be a good thing when you don’t wind up in jail, seriously injured, emotionally scarred, or dead. I mean I’m the product of a teen mother. I was illegitimate. Everyone knew I was coming out black. And shortly after that I was sexed female. I was down 20 at the half before I even got in the game and I think I turned out alright.

Challenges either make you a better person or they run you into the ground. So what I’m saying is if your kid is already privileged as shit, maybe you need to wish some hardship on them. Force them to be left-handed. Encourage them to become Jewish or Muslim or even to practice Voo Doo. The next time your spoiled ass kid sits you down and wants to have a talk with you, cross your fingers and hope that they about to tell you they’re gay or in an interracial relationship or something along those lines. Otherwise they’ll probably end up a bigoted asshole and we have enough of those. You wanna make the world a better place? Wish something bad on your kid and lower their chances of growing up to be a jackass.

Old people and me

This weekend I attended a forum with a bunch of old people. I don't like old people. They like to touch you after you just meet. I'm not going to say that's always wrong (wink) but in this case, it is.

While looking particularly bored, I was pointed in the direction of someone who was under 50.
She was under 50.
She was also pregnant.
I think we might be on different stages in life. As in I'm not anywhere near the Marriage chapter. And definitely not the Kids chapter. Have you heard of my birth control? It's the best. It's called Gay. Ask your doctor. Side effects include but are definitely not limited to incessant text messaging, lots of feelings, and severe haircuts.

I told one woman I was moving to California. She informed me that "I must have a man out there."

At this forum, gubernatorial candidates were supposed to speak about some topic that none of them managed to speak about. It's like anyone that's smart enough to run for office, is smart enough not to run for office. One hell of a Catch 22 that's going to wind up getting us all killed.

There was also a white woman that got on stage and sang to a room full of black people.

3 Things I Learned from Flashdance

1. There’s a thin line between dancer at a tavern and stripper

2. Stuffy ballet experts like when you point at them while dancing

3. You may not be old enough to smoke cigarettes but you’re still old enough to bone the old guy who informs you you're not old enough to smoke cigarettes