Today I saw Tegan and Sara at Streetlight Records. For free. It was pretty awesome. And it got me wondering.
WHAT IF THEY WERE MY FRIENDS
Oh, the possibilities. Truth is I'm much sweeter than that Yalie Kanye is toting around. So why not me? It's not that my current friends aren't cool. They are. But come on. Tegan and Sara? They sport mullets and awkward bowl cuts and they STILL rock my socks off. That's no easy feat.
I know what you're thinking...B, they're older than you, they're famous, they're Canadian. I can see past a slight age difference and an unfortunate nationality.
Therefore, I have developed a plan. Years in the making (starting now). To one day have enough money to go to a concert. No, not just any concert. A concert for me. Well, not only for me. You all can come, too. The plan is I would pay awesome musicians that also seem like awesome people (in this case Tegan and Sara) to come perform at some function I pay for. Like my birthday party or something. Ummm...Oh my fucking Bieber...best birthday party ever.
Can't you see it? A grassy knoll, people walking the thin line between fashionable/cool and hipster/douche, finger foods passed off as hors d'oeuvres. It's gonna be amazeballs. Go ahead and RSVP now. Of course they'll want to meet the person who
a.) put on such a classy event and
b.) is paying them
Once they talk to me they'll shake their heads
a.) in gratitude because my foresight brought us together and
b.) because I am the bomb.com
Then we shall become great friends (mostly because I use the word shall fairly often) and soon they'll forget that I actually paid them to come perform at my party and thus kindasortamaybe paid them to be my friends. Which is fine. 'Cuz when does that not work? Ameyerite?
See you at the party.