College: The best decision for the worst people

College students are terrible. No, they really are the worst people. Think about the things you did in college. Sure you learned some shit (that you forgot 3 months later), you discovered yourself (and realized that 'yourself' is an asshole), and you took chances (that people who weren't drunk 3 days out of the week would never take). Now think about all the fucked up things you've done. If anyone in the real world did those things, you wouldn't touch them with a ten foot pole. They would be widely viewed as a despicable human being.

Dear college student,
You are a despicable human being.

That's why my kids aren't going to college.

I don't care if they have straight A's...actually I would care. I would be extremely concerned. To you having straight A's is an accomplishment. To me, it's a cry for help.

No college for the kids. I will look them in their faces and tear up the acceptance letter to their dream schools and even their safety school, Harvard. They won't understand at first. But I will yell, "I'm doing this for you! I'm protecting your future!"

Because just like Trick...B love the kids.

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