Facebook for singles

Facebook break ups. 'Sigh.' We've all been there.

No? Everyone hasn't been there? Oh, are you too good to put your relationship on facebook? Too mature?

The point is that facebook break ups are hilarious. Every time. I seriously cannot think of a time when watching a facebook break up go down has not been hilarious. The only situation it might not be hilarious in is if your parents divorce each other on facebook before telling you. I guess that would be bad. But my parents are already divorced so I'm good to go. Yayyy divorce.

The worst part about a facebook break up is, unlike witnessing it in real life, you don't know what happened. Which is fine. Because then you get to weave unlikely stories based on people's walls. Or you get to jump to conclusions that would otherwise be far-fetched.

So what do you when you see the awkward inbetween step? When it goes from 'in a relationship' to nothing listed. Are they fighting? Did they break up? Are you some creeper who thinks you're better friends than you are and now your access to their profile is limited? WHO KNOWS?!?

You gotta wait it out. Could be a day. Could be a week. Could be a month. But when single goes up...OMG. Life just got awesome. Now you get to watch everyone who you suspected was an asshole show just how much of an asshole they are.
Because only assholes comment on someone's relationship status.

When single finally goes up why are the most ignorant people in the world always on at that exact moment? First, someone who seems innocent comments. This is usually someone who will one day live alone in a home too big for one person in a neighborhood of families so they can spy on the people next door. Nosey as shit some would call this person. Innocently enough, they ask, "What happened?"

Then someone else leaves a note along the lines of "good for you." Something passive aggressive that lets you know they clearly did not like the significant other even though they pretended to for a while.

Sidenote: passive aggressive notes are awesome.

Then someone hits on the person whose profile it is because when you put single up on facebook, it's not just to piss off your ex. It's to...to...No, I'm pretty sure it's just to piss off your ex.