5 'P' jobs black people rarely have

Snoop Dogg in Soul Plane

Pilot

We could give a whole new meaning to flying high. Could you imagine how much ass a black pilot could get? Imagine if the All State Guy's voice came over the system. His sex life would be like his flights. Non-stop

Edward Bouchet

Physicist

Does anyone know what actual physicists do? No. They're the producers of the science world.

 Park ranger

You can read about one here.

Psychologist

Word to Easy

Programmer

I think another minority already has this on lock sooo...

Pretty much anytime there's a black national group of some profession, it means we're lacking numbers. You might have heard of the National Society of Black Engineers but have you heard of the National Society of Black Athletes? African-American Postal Workers of America? The United Front of Negro Hairdressers? Didn't think so. Black people. Go forth, get these jobs, and be pretentious!

Ease on down the road, niggas

Things I discovered in college

Indie bands

But not the ones with old white guys. 

Bagels
Only flavored cream cheese though. Seriously? Plain cream cheese? Ish is gross.

Jet mango smoothies

Things from a box are always better (wink). Oh, Koffee, Too? how I miss thee!

Real life Jewish people

I guess the ones from Rugrats didn't count.

Adoption and aboption

A while ago I realized I only want a kid so I can name it. Some people say I should just get a pet.

There are plenty of reasons to not smuggle a human into this world via a vagina. For one, I have plenty of brothers and sisters. Somehow my sisters have managed not to be on 16 and pregnant but I figure eventually someone will have a little accident of their own. Then I can just play with their kid whenever I want. Another option is adoption. Wow, it even has the word option in it. Maybe they should call abortion aboption so it could have the word option in it, too.

I think adoption is a good idea because I would be able to do stuff to those kids that I wouldn't to a kid I pushed out...like send them to a private high school. I wouldn't do that to my own children because in my mind, it sucks. Adopted kids would just be grateful for the opportunity.

Right now, I can't afford any of these options. I would settle for going to a hospital and suggesting names for other people's babies but I can't even pay for the cab to get there.