1. There are lots of different sausages
2. To some people, beer is water
3. Racist remarks are funnier when said with an accent
4. If you're black, you can convince someone you're a celebrity. Even if you don't favor them at all.
5. Always do what the little white man says
That last one turns out to be invaluable advice. It all started when I didn't realize the fuckin' Autobahn was between a McDonald's and an H&M.
BECAUSE IT'S NOT. But you wouldn't know that if you saw this street. It was what looked to be a highway then some sort of tram rails then another highway. There they consider this a normal intersection. Basically, if you didn't walk when this little guy was up...
...you were fucked. I made a mental note. Always listen to the little white man or you will get hit by a car.
So when my brother complained to me about his teacher telling him he had to come in early the next day because he believed he'd cheated on a test, I had only one question.
Is your teacher a little white man?
He said yes. I told him he had to go in and retake the test. My brother was outraged. He reminded me of how I'd witnessed him studying the last few days. He said it was only natural that he did well. I implored him to go in early and retake the test. After all, his teacher was a little white man and as all Germans know, if you don't listen to him, you will get hit by a car.
The next morning I woke up early to see if he would heed my advice.
He got up at the same usual time and walked to school. And you will never guess what happened on his walk to school that day.
THAT MOFO GOT HIT BY A CAR.
I leaned out the window and said, "I told you." Then I drove away.