This is not Cheers

Who knew meeting people could be so awkward? I guess I haven't been too many places where I didn't know anyone. Well this situation happened upon me the other night. A friend of mine and myself went to a bar/theater/bowling alley to see a show. I mean it's a bar/theater/bowling alley. Any show that happened there would have to be full of win. Unfortunately, that show was sold out. So what to do? We'd taken shitty MPLS public transportation (no, for realz it sucks) for forty minutes and damn it we wanted to have some fun. I bought him a drink and we chatted about how sad we were about our lack of social activities/discussed the possibility that we might look like a couple. Then it happened. Lesbian Moses parted the Purple Sea and in they walked.

Young Sporty Lesbians.

I couldn't believe my eyes. I looked at my friend in disbelief. Here before us were the fabled softball lesbians. I had to talk to them. I had to make friends! But how? What would be my in? There were three of them and they seemed content just sipping and chatting amongst themselves. Who was I to ruin their less than revelry?

Finally I womaned up. Who cares that if they were from 45 minutes outside of the cities they may have never talked to a black person before?

Apparently our previous plan of looking like lonely puppies was not the best approach so we made up a new one. My guy friend went to "make a call." I walked up to the group and asked some stupid question. It worked. And we proceeded to chat. And chat. And chat. And the friend making the call was gone.

What the f.

So here I was, referring to my "friend" that was nowhere in sight. I had to look like a creeper, right? My friend ACTUALLY made a call. A long one.

That was not the plan!

I proved to not be a creeper when he showed up. Turns out two of them were a couple and the other had a girlfriend. Typical.
And it seems they were slightly concerned before he showed up because when he did one of them went, "Good. You could have been making it up. Going to Yale and here with a friend...thought maybe you were just gonna hit on us."

What? Making up that I have a friend with me. Sure. That would make me seem less creepy. Saying I went to Yale to make approaching total stangers more endearing. Not so much. Does that work?

If anyone has gotten laid because they lied and said they went to Yale, props to you man.

However, I'm gonna roll with previous life experience that tells me people generally have a problem believing I went to Yale and it has nothing to do with the "I went to Yale now you have to sleep with me" phenomenon that may or may not be sweeping the Midwest.


  1. The "I went to Yale so now you are suddenly compelled to sleep with me" thing is no where to be seen in my corner of the midwest. Any mention of the Y-word is like people-repellent and should be avoided at all costs. But maybe it would work on gay girls. If there were any out here.

  2. agreed. i once was getting hit on hard core by this guy working at a movie theater and everything was smooth until he found out i went to yale. fuckerrrrrrr
    maybe it works for men in the midwest. but its gotta be the worst for straight girls in the midwest, no?

    also, you're funny. ha.