My bad grad

My senior quote which was said by my dean in her great accent, was, "Free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty I'm free at last." Everyone else’s was about how much they love their family/friends/boo piece and how they’re going to miss school. I now realize this may have given the impression that I was happy to leave college and won’t miss it. This is not true. When I wrote my quote, I had just finished writing my senior essay. I want to say probably 98% of seniors had handed theirs in before that point. The only ones that were left were the fuck ups who turned theirs in late because I’m pretty sure I had the latest due date. Instant justification for my sad but hilarious quote. I had just finished being miserable, sleep-deprived, and hungry. I had the right to be a little emo. Everyone else had time to recover. Some a whole semester. I actually don't think anyone thought the quote came from a bad place. Except maybe my dean.

One thing I won’t miss about school. The dining halls. I don’t think the food is any worse than other schools who have actual dining halls instead of restaurants or express sandwich/pizza/salad lines. (It's green because of my envy.) I would even say my school's food might be better than average. I am not their biggest fan because I don’t like squash, eggplant, or tofu. And how many times were those things one of the main dishes? Like every time! Come on? I know I’m a picky eater but what the f, man. Not all liberals are vegetarians! Not all queers are vegetarians! And just because I am both, that does not mean I am more likely to be a vegetarian! I don’t know how probability works but you have to believe me. And I’m black so that automatically brings the chance of me being a vegetarian to around 1%. Good thing we’re not talking about vegans. You show me a black vegan, I’ll show you a case of revitiligo.

Another thing I won’t miss, Blue State.

Fuck you Blue State. You were supposed to be fighting The Man. Now you are The Man. With your big glass windows of contempt and your cup of steaming white guilt. Shoo from me.

I’m totally kidding Blue State. I’m just mad you got rid of Pubik Cup who got rid of Koffee Too. I was ok with it being Cup O’ Pubes because they still served Mango Jet Tea Smoothies. But then you showed up with your “reasonable prices” and putting “fresh fruit” in my smoothie. I don’t like it. I don’t like it one bit. I like my white guilt sugary, sweet, and straight out a box. In fact, that’s how I like most things that come out a box. Or just one…Donut holes.

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