But she's my best friend!

A few months ago I realized something dreadful. Something awful. Something no one should ever have to admit to themselves.

I was in love with my best friend in high school.

Duhn duhn duhnnn

*lightning*

*dramatic sigh*

*someone reading has a heart attack* (not you)

I think my AAU coach knew. My best friend might have known. Jesus definitely knew.

I, on the other hand, had no frickin clue. Except that part where I kinda knew the whole time but don't tell me that.

 

I could have really used Riley from The Boondocks.

Explain to me why you care about everything she does again?

The weird thing about non-straight ladies is that who the rest of the world might think was your first love might not have been. There very well could have been one or even two before them.

My soph. year in HS me and the bestie up for discussion both had unlimited text messaging and it resulted in the demise of my thumb cartilage and interpersonal skills. We didn't go to the same school so hundreds of texts were exchanged a day. She was the first person I talked to in the morning and the last person I talked to at night. Didn't matter if there were boys in the mix. Didn't matter if we had tests. Didn't matter if there was a fucking velociraptor leering over me threatening to bite my head off if I sent one more text. I would have been like, "Mr. Velo C. Raptor, I have to send this text message or she'll wonder what's become of me! The other person always gets mad if we fall asleep without saying good night!"

Lest we forget that texting didn't exist a few years ago. Just stop and imagine how old that's gonna make you feel someday. When that happens, don't kill yourself! That's my good deed for the year. I accept the thanks of future you. You're welcome.

Every now and then I have some delirious sleep-deprived urge to call and drop this gem into casual conversation. "Hey, remember in high school when I was in love with you? HAHAHAHAHAHA! That was fun!" Then I would hang up, silently sob for 45 seconds, call back and go, "I can't believe the call just dropped like that. That was SO WEIRD. How's life?"

That wouldn't do it though. We all know we want some sense of closure. But then in our stupid brains being pumped with gay juice this happens...

Or maybe she'll admit she was a little into you because after all you talked on the phone everyday and you didn't talk to anyone on the phone everyday that must have meant you were special and not just normal best friends 'cuz she was really close to someone else and they didn't do that plus all the times you would cuddle and you never started it because you didn't want her to think you were making a move because clearly straight female teenagers always suspect the other of being gay or you just always thought that because you were gay but she was totally into you a little bit no you created all of those signals in your head and you are an adult and maybe you would have learned by now that subtext is just a thing lesbians invented except that she really did like you and she's a coward and what the hell that shit could of worked out and who cares right

ImeanwhocaresIdon'tcareshemissedout

WHATEVER

..and you decide that maybe not knowing really is best. No one wants to suffer a nervous breakdown because of some straight up unrequited love.

Now when straight people tell me they like someone but don't want to go for it, I feel no sympathy. I just look at them and go what is holding you back? There is no repressed homosexuality in sight! Stop pulling that Taylor Swift, "I have on glasses and my hair is in a ponytail so no one likes me" bullshit and OVARY UP.

Has anyone ever told the best friend they fell in love with the truth?

*Word to Tweak for making this post possible and Wego Balls who saw it in motion.