I am a walking unpopular opinion

Happy new year. Whereas most people see this as a time for growth and goals and well-wishes, I see this as an everexpanding doom that prolongs the length of time in which I have to endure a world full of things I hate. Here's a short random list of things I will continue to dislike in the new year.

1. People. Why stop now?

All of you can go to Hell which doesn't exist.

2. Hummus. Disgusting you guys.

Do you look at this and go "yummm." The fuck is wrong with you.

3. Friday Night Lights. I watched an entire 5 episodes and didn't tear up a single time so I don't understand what the fuss is. You people don't even like football. Or blacks.

This is time better spent.

4. People that wear colored contacts. The first place I look is your eyes. How can I trust you when the first thing I see is a lie.

Did you learn nothing

5. Fig Newtons. They're like the brussel sprouts of cookies. I've never had brussel sprouts but white people in sitcoms taught me they are not desirable.

When you thought they couldn't get any worse

6. Combs. Why can't they be more like brushes? Combs are the first step to looking like you care.