Hey. So obvs this place has been dead for a while. But ya know. I have other places to be funny now. That doesn't stop Yen from yelling at me for not writing here though. Anyway, the point is I'm finally taking this shit out into the world in other ways and most of that will be seen on this youtube channel I've created. It's really hard to create one of those. You have to have internet and an email address but somehow I pulled it off. Anyway, here's the first episode of the webseries and the first non-comedy thing to go up. I hope you all enjoy it and continue to support in any way you can. I'll try to keep being funny and depressing. It's the least I can do.
I am a walking unpopular opinion
Happy new year. Whereas most people see this as a time for growth and goals and well-wishes, I see this as an everexpanding doom that prolongs the length of time in which I have to endure a world full of things I hate. Here's a short random list of things I will continue to dislike in the new year.
1. People. Why stop now?
2. Hummus. Disgusting you guys.
3. Friday Night Lights. I watched an entire 5 episodes and didn't tear up a single time so I don't understand what the fuss is. You people don't even like football. Or blacks.
4. People that wear colored contacts. The first place I look is your eyes. How can I trust you when the first thing I see is a lie.
5. Fig Newtons. They're like the brussel sprouts of cookies. I've never had brussel sprouts but white people in sitcoms taught me they are not desirable.
6. Combs. Why can't they be more like brushes? Combs are the first step to looking like you care.
1. People. Why stop now?
 |
| All of you can go to Hell which doesn't exist. |
2. Hummus. Disgusting you guys.
 |
| Do you look at this and go "yummm." The fuck is wrong with you. |
3. Friday Night Lights. I watched an entire 5 episodes and didn't tear up a single time so I don't understand what the fuss is. You people don't even like football. Or blacks.
 |
| This is time better spent. |
4. People that wear colored contacts. The first place I look is your eyes. How can I trust you when the first thing I see is a lie.
 | |
| Did you learn nothing |
5. Fig Newtons. They're like the brussel sprouts of cookies. I've never had brussel sprouts but white people in sitcoms taught me they are not desirable.
 |
| When you thought they couldn't get any worse |
6. Combs. Why can't they be more like brushes? Combs are the first step to looking like you care.
Way to ruin TV, Bridesmaids
As the Whitney Cummings come-fest (see what I did there) continues, I decided I would give Whitney and 2 Broke Girls another shot before fall. Meaning I would watch the promos, upfronts, what have you. I actually wasn't too down on Broke Girls because I like Kat Dennings even though I don't remember why (probably The House Bunny) and some of the people they have on staff. I trust them I guess is what I'm saying...even though it's on CBS. Every time I even say CBS I'm pretty sure I lose five brain cells. Not like they die. I lose them. They hide and can't be found.
I actually laughed during that. During this shit though...
What the hell NBC? You have 3 of the best shows on TV. Last season you hit us with that awful piece of turtle shit, Perfect Couples. Now this? This show doesn't even have a premise. It's just two people with some fucking lines. Lines that aren't even funny. Even people who like Whitney Cummings think this is a mistake. And NBC. N B C. A multi-cam? Stop trying to Dutch Oven me. I know you see CBS and Modern Family and think, oh multi-cam is a good idea. It's not. It just isn't. It is not going to help your ratings. It is not going to make you number 3 or 2 or 1. It makes you look like you're trying too hard. A fucking multi-cam? Is this a joke?
Not a joke. A conspiracy. Bridesmaids did so well They had to come up with a plan to completely reverse all the good it did. Think it's a coincidence that 2 Broke Girls, Whitney, Are You There Vodka, It's Me Chelsea (I want to slap box a chimp every time I see that name), and New Girl are all coming out at the same time? These supposed female-fronted "comedies." I sincerely hope these are better than I'm expecting.
I actually laughed during that. During this shit though...
What the hell NBC? You have 3 of the best shows on TV. Last season you hit us with that awful piece of turtle shit, Perfect Couples. Now this? This show doesn't even have a premise. It's just two people with some fucking lines. Lines that aren't even funny. Even people who like Whitney Cummings think this is a mistake. And NBC. N B C. A multi-cam? Stop trying to Dutch Oven me. I know you see CBS and Modern Family and think, oh multi-cam is a good idea. It's not. It just isn't. It is not going to help your ratings. It is not going to make you number 3 or 2 or 1. It makes you look like you're trying too hard. A fucking multi-cam? Is this a joke?
Not a joke. A conspiracy. Bridesmaids did so well They had to come up with a plan to completely reverse all the good it did. Think it's a coincidence that 2 Broke Girls, Whitney, Are You There Vodka, It's Me Chelsea (I want to slap box a chimp every time I see that name), and New Girl are all coming out at the same time? These supposed female-fronted "comedies." I sincerely hope these are better than I'm expecting.
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